A Journey from cradle to grave – 5 women’s stories
The men of the village leave home in the morning to earn money in towns and the women have work to do in the house and the fields. Many in these villages are underweight and anemic, and tend to look many years older than their actual age. Despite their amazing capacity and contribution, they aren’t afforded the same basic rights as men. Even if they are unwell, or have eyes bruised by domestic violence or are tired from being eight months pregnant, the women don’t complain. Poverty, low incomes, multiple pregnancies, inadequate diet, harsh weather conditions and difficult terrain all directly affect their physical and psychosocial wellbeing. But here, sensing that someone is listening and really cares, they quietly share their stories...
Habib-Un-Nisa
Habib-Un-Nisa, 15, has shared the same house with her cousin Aasia, also 15, almost her whole life. Women in this region live in joint family systems until the day they are married when they go to live with their husband’s family. Both Habib-Un-Nisa and Aasia were in the fifth grade when they were forced to leave school.
“I was too young to really understand why I had to leave school. It was a question I wanted to ask, but I never gathered enough courage to ask my parents. It was the first time I felt discrimination; my parents choosing between their own children. Boys are not affected by this practice. Later I learnt that there is no facility of further education for girls in our village and that no one sends their daughter to distant areas to get an education.
My schooling and my sister’s was also stopped so that we could work in the fields, cut grass from mountain slopes, collect wood, work as a babysitter with women in the community to have some wheat in return, as well as to sacrifice for our elder brother who was given priority over us in terms of education,” explains Habib-Un-Nisa.
“Then after two years, when I was just 15..... I felt the same helplessness inside me when I came to know that I would be married. I cried and cried but again failed to muster that courage to refuse. With my heart filled with tears and torn self-respect, I was pushed to my husband’s house, in the name of honour, respect and traditions”, she continues.
“I don’t blame anyone, I have no complaints because this is the fate we have. Life changes once married. New house, fear of new relations, the attitude of mother- in-law, incomplete education, fear of husband and most of all, immature minds, make us vulnerable to so many problems. We have to bear the fear of everything by ourselves, and everything cumulates and psychologically affects our intimate relation with our husbands. We have to cooperate with them whether we like it or not,” Habib-Un-Nisa shares.
Aasia
For Habib-Un-Nisa’s cousin Aasia, life has also been affected by many demanding factors following her marriage.
“I don’t know why our husbands and brothers are given greater importance; they are given the best food available, and have full support by their parents and us. We serve them forever with no complaint at all. We are taken for granted. We work even when we are sick, tired or pregnant, we have to cope with all demands”, says Aasia.
“You talk of raising our voice against this; but we cannot raise our voice for our feeble conditions, trembling limbs and ill medical state. This reflects on our daily hard work as everyone expects us to work no matter what we are suffering. This also gives us mental stress, constant headaches and pain in shoulders. You cannot believe it when I say that every female in these mountains complains of severe headache, pain in shoulders and numbness in their muscles,” continues Aasia.
Shakeela
Shakeela, 15, contracted polio at the age of five and both her legs were affected, making it difficult for her to walk or play in the fields with Habib-Un-Nisa, Aasia, and Zahida. Shakeela would help her mother and aunts in the kitchen, help her pregnant relatives and busy mothers, and even tackled the wood bundles. But she wasn’t immunised against polio, and she has paid the price.
High fever accompanied by tremendous pain in her body was the first sign of illness. Soon after she couldn’t stand on her own. Her mother and aunts tried to cure her by consultation with Pir Baba (a traditional witch doctor) but her condition only deteriorated. Shakeela’s legs shrunk and she became bent over so that her knees permanently touch her abdomen.
“I know I am a very unfortunate person. We are poor, and we have four children with so many mouths to feed. Like any other parent I wanted to give my children everything. I wish I had understood Shakeela’s problem earlier – if only there had been some health facility available. She might have survived if at that time we were aware of the importance of immunisation from such diseases,” says Abdul Latif, Shakeela’s father.
Abdul Latif recalls his daughter wanting to be an artist because the colours on the school walls and pictures always attracted her. She was a bright student in class and a source of cheers and laughter in any age group. Shakeela’s favourite activity was mixing different spices in water to make different colours, then painting on mud walls or paper.
“When she was born, I was not happy as I wanted a son, as everyone wishes, however she gained my love over the passage of time. I am not as rigid and biased as other males in the village. Now my heart cries to see my child’s state. She is 15, and her body is like that of a 3-year-old. Her friends are married and have children but my daughter cannot even remove a fly from her mouth,” continues her father with a trembling voice.
Shakeela is extremely anemic with a pale complexion. She has a fragile, bony structure with transparent skin and a face wrinkled like that of someone four times her age. She does not have control over her bowels and without constant care, she sometimes has to sit in her own defecation.
Her father, who suffers from Tuberculosis, cannot afford to provide his family with three meals a day, let alone offer Shakeela a diet that is rich in protein and other essentials.
Shakeela also requires constant medical attention starting with diet supplements to improve her underweight condition. Her father managed to get a loan for surgical treatment but the doctor in the nearest hospital facility 100km away, refused to treat her because her frail body isn’t likely to cope with the anaesthesia.
Zahida
Zahida was married early, and soon became pregnant. She was six-months pregnant and working in the fields reaping grass when she miscarried, probably due to a range of factors including the very physical workload, insufficient diet, anemia and lack of antenatal care.
That night when she was cooking dinner for the family, she collapsed and had a fit. The family took her to the local Pir Baba (traditional witch doctor) because they couldn’t reach a qualified doctor some 100km away from their village. At dawn, Zahida was taken to the nearby medical facility, but it was already too late. Zahida drew her last breath just five km away from her village.
Fatima
“There are many similar terrible stories in these villages. One of my daughters married a man in a neighbouring village, and waited 13 years after her marriage to conceive. This was wonderful news and she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Her world was complete until one day the child got sick with diarrhoea. We tried our best to pray that no harm should come to him. By the time his father reached home and they set out to reach the nearby clinic in town, it was already too late and the poor child passed away.
“The doctor told [us] that the water in his body dried up and he died of dehydration. If we had known [then] how to make oral rehydration salts in this emergency condition as we have been taught by World Vision’s lady doctor, or if we had a medical facility available in our village, she would not have lost her precious child,” says mother of eight, Fatima, 40.
A common thread
A thread of miseries sadly binds these five women and thousands more living in the area. Discriminatory behaviour, early marriage, coupled with anemia and weak health culminates in multiple physical and psychological problems. These women are usually ignored and often receive medical treatment and care, when it’s already too late.
World Vision Pakistan, is striving hard to help bring about change – from attitudes to the structures that deny women their basic rights.
Getting whole communities; men, women and children involved in training and information sessions on maternal and child health and education for girls, is just one way that World Vision is mobilising and advocating for change.
A female World Vision doctor provided antenatal and postnatal care to hundreds of women through the two-year Maternal and Child Health project that ended in February 2009, but also gave other women the chance to simply share their concerns and ask the questions that they couldn’t ask in their families. For many, many women, having a lady doctor nearby was a miracle that they’d longed for.
Today women in these mountain villages are talking of their rights, their husbands and other male relations are showing openness to change, and once negative villagers are now warming towards the developments in their very traditional communities.
Yet funding for World Vision’s projects in these mountain villages is urgently needed to build upon the very small steps towards progress that have been taken.
Maternal and child health care, primary health care and education must be prioritised if girls like Habib-Un-Nisa and Aasia are to be given the best chance of having healthy pregnancies, and healthy babies.
Shakeela passed away the night before the author completed this assignment, uttering the word ‘Allah’ (God) twice before taking her last breath. Shakeela and others like her deserve the chance at living life – not just without pain, but also being truly fulfilled.
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