Just believe me
For many Iraqi women, blurry recollections of childhood days are warm places they retreat to amid the darkness they experience later in life. Basma’s* story is harsh and painful to hear but, sadly, it will not be unfamiliar to many other Iraqi women.
In Iraq, violence against women remains pervasive. It is estimated that 1.32 million people are at risk of different forms of sexual violence, and more than 75% of them are women and adolescent girls. Of these, 77% of incidents are linked to domestic violence1.
Basma had a conservative father who didn’t encourage her to go to school. Their home, in one of the villages in Ninewa, had two doors leading to the main street. Basma often secretly accompanied her best friend to school, sneaking through whichever door her father was furthest away from. Her childhood was bittersweet, but those days remain her life’s best memories. For, in those days, she dreamed. She dreamed of continuing her education and becoming a doctor or lawyer.
From a young age, Basma was a victim of the harsh societal rules imposed upon young girls. Despite her good performance in primary school, her brothers did not allow her to enroll at secondary school because the only secondary school in her neighbourhood was coeducational. Basma then stayed at home for three years, helping her mother and sisters with house chores. Later, one of her uncles encouraged her family to support her in continuing her education. This time, her father and brothers agreed to send her to the co-ed secondary school. Basma returned to school, but it was only for a short while. She soon felt she was too far behind her classmates and couldn’t follow instructions well. This time, she left school for good.
Basma stayed at home with her family until she was arranged to marry Fatih* at the age of nineteen. Basma was not happy with the marriage, as she wanted to marry one of her cousins who had asked for her hand before. But her father refused her cousin and preferred her to marry Fatih. Basma said, “I didn’t want him in the first year or two. He didn’t go to school and didn’t have an education. When he wanted to sleep with me, and I was sick, it was by force. If a woman gets sick, they (in-laws) wouldn’t take her to the hospital. My parents then took me to the hospital.”
Over the years, Basma, 27, had two children, aged six and five. Basma does not work, but Fatih* works as a daily labourer, and they barely make ends meet. Basma, Fatih, and her two children live with her in-laws, a family of seven members: her mother-in-law and her brother-in-law’s wife with her five children.
In that house, Basma’s family of four has a room of their own. But because it is very warm during the summer and cold during the winter, they cannot sleep in the room on their own. The family cannot afford to buy an air conditioner for each room, so the whole family of eleven sleeps together in one room where the air conditioner is installed.
It was during these all-family gatherings that Basma first sensed something wrong with the way her nineteen-year-old nephew-in-law, Hakim*, was treating her. Basma said, “I was innocent, and I didn’t know anything. I trusted him, and I didn’t know his intentions.”
Throughout the past few years, Hakim sexually harassed and assaulted her. Basma began to open up to her in-laws about how Hakim was harassing her. At first, they believed her, but soon, they started to take a stand against her. Her brothers-in-law didn’t believe her either.
Afterward, whenever Basma faced Hakim, she would get annoyed and frustrated. As her in-laws didn’t support her, problems started to grow bigger. Basma also began to quarrel with Fatih over Hakim’s harassment. Fatih told her, “He is young and doesn’t understand.” One day, Basma went to her room and broke everything to pieces. “I threw everything to the ground: the vase, the flowers, and the hung frames. There were pills in the room, and I thought for a second to swallow them and end my life. But then I thought they would think I did something grave; that’s why I would commit suicide.”
Basma said about her children, “Sometimes when my children see me crying, they start crying with me as well. When my in-laws start to talk badly about me, my daughter also starts to cry.”
After this, Basma left for her parental home, where she stayed for four months, leaving her children behind with Fatih. Her in-laws would often bring her children to her, asking her to return home, but she wouldn’t go back.
Basma shared, “My father said, ‘I would take you to the police to file a complaint against Hakim for harassing you.’ But I didn’t agree.” Despite the initial rejection she had for Fatih, over the years, Basma’s respect for Fatih grew. Fatih, despite his aloof attitude, was one of the few people who stood by her despite his family’s lack of support for her. Because of this, filing a complaint against Hakim to the police meant that she would also hurt the people closest to Fatih.
In addition, Iraq’s legal framework often falls short in protecting survivors of sexual violence. Laws are poorly enforced, and there is a lack of specific legislation addressing domestic violence. Moreover, deeply rooted cultural norms and the stigma surrounding sexual violence discourage survivors from seeking help, leaving them primarily reliant on humanitarian organizations, where confidentiality and trust are better maintained.
Basma’s family owned an abandoned house where one of her brothers used to live. Basma moved in with Fatih and her children for a while, but Basma’s uncle eventually intervened and asked them to leave. In Iraq, it is not uncommon for elderly family members to have a say or interfere in the lives of the younger generation. Fatih barely makes ends meet, making it very difficult for them to move out and have a home of their own. Basma shared, “I would love to have a home of my own with my husband and children. I would feel more comfortable. I often urge my husband to move out (of her in laws’ house), but he always tells me, ‘If I had the money, I would never have let you stay here.’”
Eventually, Basma returned for her children. But things didn’t improve. The tension with her mother-in-law intensified. Basma said, “For the past year, I have been staying with them, and I have been in tension with my mother-in-law and Hakim. If I open the fridge, she will start to talk about me. If my children want to eat something, she starts to talk about them. Even for the washing machine, she complains when I wash my children’s clothes. It is tense all the time. If I change the order of an item in the house, she would come and return it to the original order. She wants to make me feel like the house is hers [alone].”
Not long ago, Basma got to know Aylin, a Protection Assistant at World Vision Iraq. Through her brothers-in-law’s wives who were participating in a Justice Between Women and Men Project, with funding from World Vision USA, Basma approached Aylin. She opened up to Aylin and told her about the harassment.
Aylin and Basma had five sessions over the course of two months. Aylin said, “We had five sessions. During each visit, we had a psychosocial support session, awareness about violence between women and men, and awareness about sexual harassment and how much it impacts her. I also taught her how to protect herself. This support I gave to Basma led to great changes in her life. I feel that she changed a lot and became more self-reliant.”
Basma shared, “Because of Aylin, I have changed. She supported me. She advised me to rely on myself, trust myself, and protect myself. And not to allow anyone to cross the line with me. I felt that I am strong. Her advice benefitted me a lot.”
Since then, Basma has changed her attitude at home. She started to distance herself from Hakim. When Hakim tries to talk to her, she doesn’t respond and leaves the living room. Basma said, “When they didn’t believe me, I would spend most of the time crying. (Now) I talk to my sisters and mother. They have empathy for me, but they also cannot do anything.” She continued, “His gaze on me is uncomfortable. All the time, when he enters the living room, I leave and go to my room, or I sit by my husband. I never talk to him.”
These days, Basma doesn’t even eat with them when Hakim is there. She eats later or when only the girls are eating together. She often tries to keep herself busy. Basma said, “Sometimes I teach my children the Arabic alphabet or read Quranic verses to them so that I can be busy with them. Or I send them to their aunts’ house so that they don’t stay with my in-laws for long.”
After this experience, Basma learned a lot, and she has a message for other women experiencing harassment and violence: “If a woman is a victim of violence, if she becomes silent, the perpetrator will do more harm. If she speaks, he will not be able to do more.”
These changes and transformations in Basma’s life mark the beginning of a much larger journey toward empowerment. Through the Justice Between Women and Men project, World Vision Iraq is committed to equipping survivors like Basma with the tools and support they need to protect themselves, despite significant challenges such as restrictive social norms and financial barriers. As a child-focused organization, World Vision also prioritizes the safety and well-being of her children, ensuring they are shielded from abusive environments.
Through the Justice Between Women and Men project, World Vision Iraq, with support from World Vision USA, has helped 269 women like Basma by providing psychosocial support, case management services, educational and recreational activities, dignity kits, and referrals.
Additionally, through this project, we have trained faith and community leaders, teachers, and community members on topics such as violence against women, response and mitigation strategies, and case identification.
With projects like this, we aim to raise awareness about violence against women and empower women like Basma, who experience violence and harassment, to protect themselves and stand up for their rights.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Data Resource: [1] https://www.emro.who.int/iraq/news/first-gender-based-violence-strategic-plan-launched-in-iraq.html